The Elephant In The Room
by scarlotti
Summary: "It's said and now the elephant in the room is a freaking mammoth, because this whole time she's known. " Jordan reflection on Nathan/Audrey during 3.08. HERE BE SPOILERS. Written for a tumblr prompt. Part 2 now up!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Elephant in The Room, Part 1**

**WARNING: Spoilers THROUGH 3.08.**

Pairing: J/N & A/N

_Prompt: Hmmmm….I thought someone had prompted Nathan and Jordan having a conversation about Naudrey, and now I can't find it. Oh well, my fault anyway since life got in the way and then I decided to re-write it several times (and saw 3.08). I'm still not sure that I'm happy with it, but oh well ;)._

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"_I can tell something's wrong, just tell me where he is please," _she's trying for polite and demanding, but the truth is, Jordan feels herself quickly ramping up to full scale worry. Something behind Audrey's eyes looks anxious and lost, and then she's left wondering what exactly Nathan has said to his partner that has Audrey deciding to let her "in" so quickly. She's not used to such instant trust, and it hangs between them in the air like an unspoken pact.

"_He's been shot." _Audrey says it so calmly at first, that she's not sure what to expect.

Not this.

Anything but this.

"_Oh my g….," _she can't finish the statement because her stomach is clenching and she feels oddly weak, _"Who did this?"_

"_He'll pay,"_ there's that calm again, but all Jordan can feel is the itch in her fingers. She hasn't wanted to hurt someone this way in quite a while. Damn right, he'll pay.

"_But first I need to bring Nathan back." _

She can't have heard that right, but this _is _Haven and Audrey is a largely unknown quantity to her.

Relief creeps in, through the doubt, and that might be the first time that Jordan accepts that she may have gotten in too deep with Nathan Wuornos.

"_Her trouble isn't active yet. We have to trigger it."_

"_It usually takes some kind of emotional trauma to do that,"_ she's thinking things that she can't be thinking and deep inside she's praying that Audrey will be willing to take the step that she can't for Nathan. He's changed her, somehow, in these weeks, and she knows that she'll willingly stand by and watch whatever Audrey has planned for this woman if it _just gets Nathan _back.

And that scares her more than she'd like to admit.

Then, because she needs to hear it said, _"What are you going to do?"_

"_Traumatize her."_ It's written all over Audrey's face. It's the _way_ she says it – casually, like the alternative ending to this little carnival ride was never even an option.

She knows suddenly, that Audrey won't enjoy this, but she will do what it takes. The desperation in the blonde's eyes says what her voice does not; loosing Nathan was never an option for her.

Jordan wonders, briefly, if this is what it looks like when someone begins to unravel.

"Where's Tommy?" If Audrey looked anxious before, she's definitely progressed to frantic.

"Tommy got away, _for now_." The reassurance comes naturally. Jordan wonders what it is about this woman that inspires loyalty and faith from others. She wonders this even as she feels these feelings take residence inside her. The assurance seems to work, because Parker focuses again.

She should say something now and the nagging voice in the back of her head is taunting her for her lack of reaction. All these years with the Guard, and when she's tested, it comes to this.

Crocker.

With a knife.

In the sitting room.

And she just stands by and watches.

The world spins faster for a moment. She's not sure how, but while she's struggling with the reality of losing Nathan, Audrey's suddenly holstering her gun and she's _talking_ with Moira.

Whatever she said must have been noteworthy, because suddenly the bitter sister is in tears.

Moira's hand is across Nathan's forehead ; he's still so very _still_. All she can think is _"Please, please."_

It hurts in ways it shouldn't, because she told herself from the beginning, that she wouldn't let herself get attached. The thrill of Max Hansen's son and the fantastic rush of sensation and endorphins from his touch – that was all that _this_ was supposed to be. Somehow, though, she's dangerously close to falling in love with this man.

"_Nathan?"_ Audrey's tone draws her attention, and she wishes it hadn't,_ "I was the one that was supposed to….."I was supposed to go."_

"_I've always loved you." _

"_I always will love you."_

It's said, and now the elephant in the room is a freaking mammoth, because this whole time, she's _known_. Deep down, she's known that this friendship that Nathan's claimed with his partner is so much more than he's admitted to her. She thinks it may be more than he's really admitted to himself, but to know that Audrey reciprocates? That's a different thing entirely, because she also knows that if it comes down to it for Nathan, it's Audrey.

It's always Audrey.

She's just lost Nathan too – wants to scream that _she's just lost him too_ – so she shouldn't feel like she's intruding on something intimate, but she does.

She thinks she should feel…_something_….fear?...empathy?...when she sees Crocker eye's glaze over and Moira writhing in pain on the ground, with blood blooming dark on her chest. But all she feels is elation and loss, because Nathan's alive and he's looking at Audrey like she's who he expected to see. Like she's the only thing he wants to see.

And that hurts the most.

But he's _alive_, and whether or not she almost _understands_ this sudden shift in what she almost had with Nathan and what he _has_ with Audrey (she's pretty sure that something has changed in the last two hours), she's not selfless enough to let go just yet.

So she goes to him when Audrey makes room.

"_I was so scared."_

And Nathan's comforting _her_ now, when she muses that it should be the other way around - stroking her hair, holding her hand.

"_It's ok, it's ok." _

So she gives herself these few seconds, before she lets him go all together. She can feel it's coming, wouldn't stop it, now that she _knows_; that doesn't mean that she can't take this for herself.

The letting go will come soon enough. And she thinks, maybe, that she won't lose him entirely.

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A/N: I _will_ be finishing the prompts. Promise! And can we all have a moment of rejoicing for _early_ renewal for Season 4?! Yes!


	2. Fin

**Title: The Elephant In the Room, Part II**

**Pairing: N/A, J/A, Jordan reflection 3.08**

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. If they were, we'd have more than 13 episodes a season. Unbetaed, so I'm afraid that all the mistakes are mine (and I'm sure there are a few).

**Summary**: The whole time that he's been with her, despite his desire to infiltrate with the Guard, Nathan has been _trying_. He touches her (though there may have been secondary motives) for _her_. He's slowly tried to pull her out of her self-inflicted isolation _for her_. And under the façade of working a contact, he's been building a friendship.

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_Taco Tuesday_ is in full swing, and Jordan has a few seconds to watch the partners interact on the deck of the Gull before Audrey catches sight of her. It's interesting – one of the consequences of losing her physical connection with others has been that she's learned how to read other's; she's very good at it.

Maybe that's why she's felt Nathan holding back all this time. Or maybe it's because, despite what he might like to think, Nathan Wuornos is a horrible liar. Oddly, though, that might be part of the attraction for her.

The funny thing is that she doesn't know if he understands what he's been doing. The reason that Nathan is such a poor liar is that underneath it all, he cares too much. If her trouble has made her read people, his has left him with a tough-guy act that is nearly uncanny – at first glance. But she's spent enough time with him to see through it; maybe he's let her see through it.

Nathan's standing with his back to her and his posture is more relaxed and open than she's ever seen him. It could have something to do with the whole just-came-back-from-the-dead thing, but she thinks it probably has an equal amount to do with the woman standing in front of him.

There's that pang again. It's dulled a little over the last 24 hours.

The benefit of him taking off with Audrey on a manhunt was that it had given her time to hash out exactly what her feelings for Nathan Wuornos actually were, and how she wanted to proceed from here.

The hard, cold truth was that she _does_ like Nathan, far more than she had ever intended. In the beginning, she liked the banter; it was rare to encounter someone that she couldn't easily intimidate, even a house of a man like Dwight, and Nathan hadn't even flinched. It's even rarer that she's pursued. Jordan has no misconceptions about her appeal - she knows that she's attractive by the most conservative estimation, stunning even – but it turns out that being a human Taser is a bit off-putting in the relationship department.

And then there's his touch. Describing it as amazing doesn't begin to do it justice. Earth-shattering. Breath-taking. Intoxicating. And complicating at the same time, because it would be easy to attribute all the positives of her interactions with him to the simple heady rush she got every time that she was able to experience human contact. She can't deny that, in the beginning, it had been less about her attraction to him and more about the way his touch made her feel _alive_ again.

He's not the only one of them guilty of using the other to advantage.

So she's spent several of the intervening hours analyzing and dissecting exactly _what_ she feels for Nathan.

She's come up with this: there's something there, something real. There's a respect, a kinship, an enjoyment of him as a person, and she won't deny that she finds him incredibly attractive. She knows that _now_ he views her as a friend, someone he trusts. _Now_ he touches her for her and not for any benefit that it may gain him. He may be the only one who can truly understand the weight of her Trouble, though to be honest, she can't fully understand his.

She thinks that, if she let herself, she could fall in love with him.

But she can't, and it's bitter-sweet.

Now she _knows,_ and she can't pretend to _not_ know. Part of her thinks that she's glad it's happened now. She's only known him for a handful of weeks, been _with_ him for less, and experience has taught her that it's best to end this sooner rather than later.

She could resent him. She knows this. But she can't bring herself to do so. She thinks that, in his own way, he was _trying_ with her, and that matters. Despite everything, she's made a friend. She's not willing to give that up.

Audrey catches her eye over Nathan's shoulder, soon after she steps into the open doorframe. The two of them are natural together in a way that's hard to describe. Jordan's noticed it before, but it was different somehow. She realizes that watching Nathan die affected each of the four of them profoundly, and she can't even bring herself to dislike the other woman. She finds the contrary to be true.

Some unspoken understanding passes between them, and then Audrey's eyes turn back to Nathan and the two disengage. She watches as his eyes follow the blonde, "Parker" beginning to form on his lips, and she thinks absently, that he does it unconsciously. There's a quick flash of jealousy inside her, as some part of her wonders what it would like to be the recipient of that kind of look.

By the time his eyes swing back to her though, it's gone. Even now, he's looking at her warmly, like she _matters_.

So they take their walk down to the bench, and he holds her hand between his own during a markedly short explanation, punctuated by apologies and adamant statements that include words like "it wasn't all an act" and "you're an amazing woman". Somehow, it comes off less like an "it's-not-you-it's-me" speech, and more like a genuine offering of a fresh start, a _real_ start, at a solid friendship.

And that should be surprising, but it's not.

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**A/N:** Thus ends the Jordan/Nathan introspective. I'm not sure that I've done it justice, but it's been interesting to "write" Jordan. I hope you've enjoyed it. I'm a lover of constructive criticism (or really any old review ;). Five days til Friday!


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